Humor submitted by:
Norma & Nita
Norma & Nita
Me Mudder
When me prayers were poorly said
Who tucked me in me widdle bed
And spanked me till me ass was red,
Me Mudder!
Who took me from me cozy cot
And put me on the ice cold pot
And made me pee when I could not,
Me Mudder!
And when the morning light would come
And in me crib me dribbled some
Who wiped me tiny widdle bum,
Me Mudder!
Who would me hair so neatly part
And hug me gently to her heart
Who sometimes squeezed me till me fart,
Me Mudder!
Who looked at me with eyebrows knit
And nearly have a king size fit
When in me Sunday pants me shit ,
Me Mudder!
When at night her bed did squeak
Me raised me head to have a peak
Who yelled at me to go to sleep,
Me Fadder!
Who tucked me in me widdle bed
And spanked me till me ass was red,
Me Mudder!
Who took me from me cozy cot
And put me on the ice cold pot
And made me pee when I could not,
Me Mudder!
And when the morning light would come
And in me crib me dribbled some
Who wiped me tiny widdle bum,
Me Mudder!
Who would me hair so neatly part
And hug me gently to her heart
Who sometimes squeezed me till me fart,
Me Mudder!
Who looked at me with eyebrows knit
And nearly have a king size fit
When in me Sunday pants me shit ,
Me Mudder!
When at night her bed did squeak
Me raised me head to have a peak
Who yelled at me to go to sleep,
Me Fadder!
Cross Dressing Politicians
Click on thumbnail image to view
Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of
the mirror complaining to my husband
that my breasts are too small. Instead
of characteristically telling me it's not
so, he uncharacteristically comes with a
suggestion.
"If you want your breasts to grow, then
every day take a piece of toilet paper
and rub it between them for a few
seconds." Willing to try anything, I fetch
a piece of toilet paper and stand in front
of the mirror, rubbing it between my
breasts. "How long will this take?" I
asked.
"They will grow larger over a period of
years," my husband replies. I stopped.
"Do you really think rubbing a piece of
toilet paper between my breasts every
day will make my breasts larger over the
years?"
Without missing a beat he says
"Worked for your butt, didn't it?"
the mirror complaining to my husband
that my breasts are too small. Instead
of characteristically telling me it's not
so, he uncharacteristically comes with a
suggestion.
"If you want your breasts to grow, then
every day take a piece of toilet paper
and rub it between them for a few
seconds." Willing to try anything, I fetch
a piece of toilet paper and stand in front
of the mirror, rubbing it between my
breasts. "How long will this take?" I
asked.
"They will grow larger over a period of
years," my husband replies. I stopped.
"Do you really think rubbing a piece of
toilet paper between my breasts every
day will make my breasts larger over the
years?"
Without missing a beat he says
"Worked for your butt, didn't it?"
Page
2
Why you should wear PJ's to bed!!
By Rob Ross SON OF A BITCH FISH
>
> The parish priest went on a fishing trip. On the last day of
his trip he hooked a monster fish and proceeded to reel it in.
>
> The guide, holding a net, yelled, "Look at the size of that Son
of a Bitch!"
>
> "Son, I'm a priest. Your language is uncalled for!"
>
> "No, Father, that's what kind of fish it is - a Son of a Bitch
fish!"
>
> "Really? Well then, help me land this Son of a Bitch!"
>
> Once in the boat, they marveled at the size of the monster.
>
> "Father, that's the biggest Son of a Bitch I've ever seen."
>
> "Yes, it is a big Son of a Bitch. What should I do with it?"
>
> "Why, eat it of course. You've never tasted anything as good
as Son of a Bitch!"
>
> Elated, the priest headed home to the rectory. While
unloading his gear and his prize catch, Sister Mary inquired
about his trip.
>
> "Take a look at this big Son of a Bitch I caught!"
>
> Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary, "Father!"
>
> "It's OK, Sister. That's what kind of fish it is, a Son of a
Bitch fish!"
>
> "Oh, well then, what are you going to do with that big Son of
a Bitch?"
>
> Sister Mary informed the priest that the new Bishop was
scheduled to visit in a few days and that they should fix the Son
of a Bitch for his dinner.
>
> "I'll even clean the Son of a Bitch", she said.
>
> As she was cleaning the huge fish, the Friar walked in.
> "What are you doing Sister?"
> "Father wants me to clean this big Son of a Bitch for the new
Bishop's dinner."
>
> "Sister! I'll clean it if you're so upset! Please watch your
language!"
>
> "No, no, no, it's called a Son of a Bitch fish."
>
> "Really? Well, in that case, I'll fix up a great meal to go with
it, and that Son of a Bitch can be the main course! Let me know
when you've finished cleaning that Son of a Bitch."
>
> On the night of the new Bishop's visit, everything was
perfect. The Friar had prepared an excellent meal. The wine was
fine, and the fish was excellent. The new Bishop said, "This is
great fish, where did you get it?"
>
> "I caught that Son of a Bitch!" proclaimed the proud priest.
>
> "And I cleaned the Son of a Bitch!" exclaimed the Sister.
>
> The Friar added, "And I prepared the Son of a Bitch, using a
special recipe!"
>
> The new Bishop looked around at each of them. A big smile
crept across his face as he said,
>
> "You fuckers are my kind of people!"
>
> The parish priest went on a fishing trip. On the last day of
his trip he hooked a monster fish and proceeded to reel it in.
>
> The guide, holding a net, yelled, "Look at the size of that Son
of a Bitch!"
>
> "Son, I'm a priest. Your language is uncalled for!"
>
> "No, Father, that's what kind of fish it is - a Son of a Bitch
fish!"
>
> "Really? Well then, help me land this Son of a Bitch!"
>
> Once in the boat, they marveled at the size of the monster.
>
> "Father, that's the biggest Son of a Bitch I've ever seen."
>
> "Yes, it is a big Son of a Bitch. What should I do with it?"
>
> "Why, eat it of course. You've never tasted anything as good
as Son of a Bitch!"
>
> Elated, the priest headed home to the rectory. While
unloading his gear and his prize catch, Sister Mary inquired
about his trip.
>
> "Take a look at this big Son of a Bitch I caught!"
>
> Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary, "Father!"
>
> "It's OK, Sister. That's what kind of fish it is, a Son of a
Bitch fish!"
>
> "Oh, well then, what are you going to do with that big Son of
a Bitch?"
>
> Sister Mary informed the priest that the new Bishop was
scheduled to visit in a few days and that they should fix the Son
of a Bitch for his dinner.
>
> "I'll even clean the Son of a Bitch", she said.
>
> As she was cleaning the huge fish, the Friar walked in.
> "What are you doing Sister?"
> "Father wants me to clean this big Son of a Bitch for the new
Bishop's dinner."
>
> "Sister! I'll clean it if you're so upset! Please watch your
language!"
>
> "No, no, no, it's called a Son of a Bitch fish."
>
> "Really? Well, in that case, I'll fix up a great meal to go with
it, and that Son of a Bitch can be the main course! Let me know
when you've finished cleaning that Son of a Bitch."
>
> On the night of the new Bishop's visit, everything was
perfect. The Friar had prepared an excellent meal. The wine was
fine, and the fish was excellent. The new Bishop said, "This is
great fish, where did you get it?"
>
> "I caught that Son of a Bitch!" proclaimed the proud priest.
>
> "And I cleaned the Son of a Bitch!" exclaimed the Sister.
>
> The Friar added, "And I prepared the Son of a Bitch, using a
special recipe!"
>
> The new Bishop looked around at each of them. A big smile
crept across his face as he said,
>
> "You fuckers are my kind of people!"
-----------
*
PERKS OF BEING OVER 50
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be
released first.
3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.
4. People call at 9 pm and ask, " Did I wake
you ???? "
5. People no longer view you as a
hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat dinner at 4 pm.
9. You can live without sex but not your
glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about
pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as
challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no
matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance is
finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate
meteorologists than the national weather
service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends
because they can't remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down
to manageable size.
19. You can't remember who sent you this list
And you notice these are all in Big Print for
your convenience.