--Donald Rumsfeld is giving
the president his daily
briefing. He concludes by
saying: "Yesterday, 3
Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH NO!" the President
exclaims. "That's terrible!"
--His staff sits stunned at this
display of emotion, nervously
watching as the President
sits, head in hands.
--Finally, the President looks
up and asks, "How many is a
brazillion?"
the president his daily
briefing. He concludes by
saying: "Yesterday, 3
Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH NO!" the President
exclaims. "That's terrible!"
--His staff sits stunned at this
display of emotion, nervously
watching as the President
sits, head in hands.
--Finally, the President looks
up and asks, "How many is a
brazillion?"
The Bush Stamp
--The Postal Service created a stamp
with a picture of President Bush. The
stamp was not sticking to envelopes.
This enraged the President, who
demanded a full investigation.
--After a month of testing, a special
Presidential commission presented
the following findings:
1) The stamp is in perfect order.
2) There is nothing wrong with the
applied adhesive.
3) People are spitting on the wrong
side
--The Postal Service created a stamp
with a picture of President Bush. The
stamp was not sticking to envelopes.
This enraged the President, who
demanded a full investigation.
--After a month of testing, a special
Presidential commission presented
the following findings:
1) The stamp is in perfect order.
2) There is nothing wrong with the
applied adhesive.
3) People are spitting on the wrong
side
--Looks like New Orleans is waking people up. Cosby is shaking their bed
again.
"We Can't Blame White People"
"They're standing on the corner and they can't speak English. I can't even
talk the way these people talk: Why you ain't, Where you is, What he drive,
Where he stay, Where he work, Who you be...
And I blamed the kid until I heard the mother talk. And then I heard the
father talk.
Everybody knows it's important to speak English except these
knuckleheads. You can't be a doctor with that kind of crap coming out of
your mouth.
In fact you will never get any kind of job making a decent living. People
marched and were hit in the face with rocks to get an education, and now
we've got these knuckleheads walking around.
The lower economic people are not holding up their end in this deal.
These people are not parenting. They are buying things for kids. $500
sneakers for what? And they won't spend $200 for Hooked on Phonics. I
am talking about these people who cry when their son is standing there in
an orange suit.
Where were you when he was 2? Where were you when he was 12? Where
were you when he was 18 and how come you didn't know that he had a
pistol? And where is the father? Or who is his father?
People putting their clothes on backward: Isn't that a sign of something
gone wrong?
People with their hats on backward, pants down around the crack, isn't
that a sign of something? Or are you waiting for Jesus to pull his pants
up? Isn't it a sign of something when she has her dress all the way up and
got all type of needles [piercing] going through her body?
What part of Africa did this come from? We are not Africans. Those
people are not Africans; they don't know a thing about Africa. With names
like Shaniqua, Taliqua and Mohammed and all of that crap, and all of them
are in jail.
Brown or black versus the Board of Education is no longer the white
person's problem. We have got to take the neighborhood back.
People used to be ashamed. Today a woman has eight children with eight
different 'husbands' -- or men or whatever you call them now. We have
millionaire football players who cannot read.
We have million-dollar basketball players who can't write two paragraphs.
We as black folks have to do a better job. Someone working at Wal-Mart
with seven kids, you are hurting us. We have to start holding each other to
a higher standard. We cannot blame the white people any longer."
again.
"We Can't Blame White People"
"They're standing on the corner and they can't speak English. I can't even
talk the way these people talk: Why you ain't, Where you is, What he drive,
Where he stay, Where he work, Who you be...
And I blamed the kid until I heard the mother talk. And then I heard the
father talk.
Everybody knows it's important to speak English except these
knuckleheads. You can't be a doctor with that kind of crap coming out of
your mouth.
In fact you will never get any kind of job making a decent living. People
marched and were hit in the face with rocks to get an education, and now
we've got these knuckleheads walking around.
The lower economic people are not holding up their end in this deal.
These people are not parenting. They are buying things for kids. $500
sneakers for what? And they won't spend $200 for Hooked on Phonics. I
am talking about these people who cry when their son is standing there in
an orange suit.
Where were you when he was 2? Where were you when he was 12? Where
were you when he was 18 and how come you didn't know that he had a
pistol? And where is the father? Or who is his father?
People putting their clothes on backward: Isn't that a sign of something
gone wrong?
People with their hats on backward, pants down around the crack, isn't
that a sign of something? Or are you waiting for Jesus to pull his pants
up? Isn't it a sign of something when she has her dress all the way up and
got all type of needles [piercing] going through her body?
What part of Africa did this come from? We are not Africans. Those
people are not Africans; they don't know a thing about Africa. With names
like Shaniqua, Taliqua and Mohammed and all of that crap, and all of them
are in jail.
Brown or black versus the Board of Education is no longer the white
person's problem. We have got to take the neighborhood back.
People used to be ashamed. Today a woman has eight children with eight
different 'husbands' -- or men or whatever you call them now. We have
millionaire football players who cannot read.
We have million-dollar basketball players who can't write two paragraphs.
We as black folks have to do a better job. Someone working at Wal-Mart
with seven kids, you are hurting us. We have to start holding each other to
a higher standard. We cannot blame the white people any longer."
Sell Out!!
38 SENATORS VOTED AGAINST MAKING
ENGLISH THE OFFICIAL LANGUAGE OF
AMERICA.
HERE THEY ARE.
Akaka (D-HI)
Bayh (D-IN)
Biden (D-DE)
Bingaman (D-NM)
Boxer (D-CA)
Cantwell (D-WA)
Clinton (D-NY)
Dayton (D-MN)
Dodd (D-CT)
Domenici (R-NM)
Durbin (D-IL)
Feingold (D-WI)
Feinstein (D-CA)
Harkin (D-IA)
Inouye (D-HI)
Jeffords (I-VT)
Kennedy (D-MA)
Kerry (D-MA)
Kohl (D-WI)
Lautenberg (D-NJ)
Leahy (D-VT)
Levin (D-MI)
Lieberman (D-CT)
Menendez (D-NJ)
Mikulski (D-MD)
Murray (D-WA)
Obama (D-IL)
Reed (D-RI)
Reid (D-NV)
Salazar (D-CO)
Sarbanes (D-MD)
Schumer (D-NY)
Stabenow (D-MI)
Wyden (D-OR)
REMEMBER THIS THE DAY YOU VOTE.
ENGLISH THE OFFICIAL LANGUAGE OF
AMERICA.
HERE THEY ARE.
Akaka (D-HI)
Bayh (D-IN)
Biden (D-DE)
Bingaman (D-NM)
Boxer (D-CA)
Cantwell (D-WA)
Clinton (D-NY)
Dayton (D-MN)
Dodd (D-CT)
Domenici (R-NM)
Durbin (D-IL)
Feingold (D-WI)
Feinstein (D-CA)
Harkin (D-IA)
Inouye (D-HI)
Jeffords (I-VT)
Kennedy (D-MA)
Kerry (D-MA)
Kohl (D-WI)
Lautenberg (D-NJ)
Leahy (D-VT)
Levin (D-MI)
Lieberman (D-CT)
Menendez (D-NJ)
Mikulski (D-MD)
Murray (D-WA)
Obama (D-IL)
Reed (D-RI)
Reid (D-NV)
Salazar (D-CO)
Sarbanes (D-MD)
Schumer (D-NY)
Stabenow (D-MI)
Wyden (D-OR)
REMEMBER THIS THE DAY YOU VOTE.
Bill and Hillary are at the Red Sox World Series Game 6; sitting in the
> first row, with the Secret Service people directly behind them. One of
the
> Secret Service guys leans forward and whispers something to Bill. At
first,
> Clinton stares at the guy, looks at Hillary, looks back at the agent, and
> shakes his head "no".
>
> The agent then says, "Mr. President, it was a unanimous request of the
> entire team, from the owner of the team to the bat boy." Bill
hesitates...but
> begins to change his mind when the agent tells him the fans would love
it!
>
> Bill shrugs his shoulders and says "Okay! If that is what the people
> want.C'mere Hilly baby..." With that, Bill gets up, grabs Hillary by her
> collar and the seat of her pants, lifts her up, and tosses her right over
> the wall onto the field.
>
> She gets up kicking, swearing, screaming.The crowd goes absolutely
wild.
> Fans are jumping up & down, cheering, hooting & hollering, and
high-fiving.
>
> Bill is bowing, smiling and waving to the crowd. He leans over to the
agent
> and says, "How about that! I would have never believed how much
everyone
> would enjoy that!"
>
> Noticing the agent has gone totally pale, he asks what is wrong.The
> agent replies, "Sir, I said they want you to throw out the first ...Pitch!
> first row, with the Secret Service people directly behind them. One of
the
> Secret Service guys leans forward and whispers something to Bill. At
first,
> Clinton stares at the guy, looks at Hillary, looks back at the agent, and
> shakes his head "no".
>
> The agent then says, "Mr. President, it was a unanimous request of the
> entire team, from the owner of the team to the bat boy." Bill
hesitates...but
> begins to change his mind when the agent tells him the fans would love
it!
>
> Bill shrugs his shoulders and says "Okay! If that is what the people
> want.C'mere Hilly baby..." With that, Bill gets up, grabs Hillary by her
> collar and the seat of her pants, lifts her up, and tosses her right over
> the wall onto the field.
>
> She gets up kicking, swearing, screaming.The crowd goes absolutely
wild.
> Fans are jumping up & down, cheering, hooting & hollering, and
high-fiving.
>
> Bill is bowing, smiling and waving to the crowd. He leans over to the
agent
> and says, "How about that! I would have never believed how much
everyone
> would enjoy that!"
>
> Noticing the agent has gone totally pale, he asks what is wrong.The
> agent replies, "Sir, I said they want you to throw out the first ...Pitch!
Page
3
Submitted By
Norma:
Norma:
"Let's say I break into your house ........ "
--A lady wrote the best letter in the Editorials in
ages!! It explains things better than all the
baloney you hear on TV.
--Recently large demonstrations have taken
place across the country protesting the fact that
Congress is finally addressing the issue of
illegal immigration.
--Certain people are angry that the US might
protect its own borders, might make it harder to
sneak into this country and, once here, to stay
indefinitely. Let me see if I correctly understand
the thinking behind these protests.
--Let's say I break into your house. Let's say
that when you discover me in your house, you
insist that I leave. But I say, "I've made all the
beds and washed the dishes and did the laundry
and swept the floors; I've done all the things you
don't like to do. I'm hard-working and honest
(except for when I broke into your house).
--According to the protesters, not only must you
let me stay, you must add me to your family's
insurance plan, educate my kids, and provide
other benefits to me and to my family (my
husband will do your yard work because he too
is hard-working and honest, except for that
breaking in part). If you try to call the police or
force me out, I will call my friends who will
picket your house carrying signs that proclaim
my right to be there.
--It's only fair, after all, because you have a
nicer house than I do, and I'm just trying to
better myself. I'm a hard-working and honest,
person, except for well, you know.
--And what a deal it is for me!! I live in your
house, contributing only a fraction of the cost of
my keep, and there is nothing you can do about
it without being accused of selfishness,
prejudice and being an anti-housebreaker. Oh
yeah, I want you to learn my language so you
can communicate with me.
--Why can't people see how ridiculous this is?!
Only in America....if you agree, pass it on (in
English). Share it if you see the value of it as a
good smile. If not blow it off along with your
future Social Security funds, and a lot of other
things.
--A lady wrote the best letter in the Editorials in
ages!! It explains things better than all the
baloney you hear on TV.
--Recently large demonstrations have taken
place across the country protesting the fact that
Congress is finally addressing the issue of
illegal immigration.
--Certain people are angry that the US might
protect its own borders, might make it harder to
sneak into this country and, once here, to stay
indefinitely. Let me see if I correctly understand
the thinking behind these protests.
--Let's say I break into your house. Let's say
that when you discover me in your house, you
insist that I leave. But I say, "I've made all the
beds and washed the dishes and did the laundry
and swept the floors; I've done all the things you
don't like to do. I'm hard-working and honest
(except for when I broke into your house).
--According to the protesters, not only must you
let me stay, you must add me to your family's
insurance plan, educate my kids, and provide
other benefits to me and to my family (my
husband will do your yard work because he too
is hard-working and honest, except for that
breaking in part). If you try to call the police or
force me out, I will call my friends who will
picket your house carrying signs that proclaim
my right to be there.
--It's only fair, after all, because you have a
nicer house than I do, and I'm just trying to
better myself. I'm a hard-working and honest,
person, except for well, you know.
--And what a deal it is for me!! I live in your
house, contributing only a fraction of the cost of
my keep, and there is nothing you can do about
it without being accused of selfishness,
prejudice and being an anti-housebreaker. Oh
yeah, I want you to learn my language so you
can communicate with me.
--Why can't people see how ridiculous this is?!
Only in America....if you agree, pass it on (in
English). Share it if you see the value of it as a
good smile. If not blow it off along with your
future Social Security funds, and a lot of other
things.
*