You Might Be A Republican If...
You think "proletariat" is a type of cheese.
You've named your kids "Deduction one" and "Deduction
two"
You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if
people were just allowed to keep more of their minimum
wage.
You've ever referred to someone as "my (insert racial or
ethnic minority here) friend"
You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and
opposed to welfare.
You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.
You think Huey Newton is a cookie.
The only union you support is the Baseball Players,
because heck, they're richer than you.
You think you might remember laughing once as a kid.
You once broke loose at a party and removed your neck
tie.
You call mall rent-a-cops "jack-booted thugs."
You've ever referred to the moral fiber of something.
You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb
the sons of bitches."
You've ever said, "I can't wait to get into business school."
You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Tootsie."
You answer to "The Man."
You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you
watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of
sense.
You fax the FBI a list of "Commies in my Neighborhood."
You don't let your kids watch Sesame Street because you
accuse Bert and Ernie of "sexual deviance."
You scream "Dit-dit-ditto" while making love.
You've argued that art has a "moral foundation set in
Western values."
When people say "Marx," you think "Groucho."
You've ever yelled, "Hey hippie, get a haircut."
You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in
1969.
You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear
ever attacks your home.
Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you.
You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the
end of racism in America.
You've ever said civil liberties, schmivil schmiberties.
You've ever said "Clean air? Looks clean to me."
You've ever called education a luxury.
You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle.
You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are
tax-deductable.
You came of age in the '60s and don't remember Bob
Dylan.
You own a vehicle with an "Ollie North: American Hero"
sticker.
You're afraid of the liberal media."
You ever based an argument on the phrase, "Well,
tradition dictates...."
You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a
trash can because he is lazy and doesn't want to
contribute to society."
You've ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their
bootstraps, when they don't even have shoes.
You confuse Lenin with Lennon.
You think "proletariat" is a type of cheese.
You've named your kids "Deduction one" and "Deduction
two"
You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if
people were just allowed to keep more of their minimum
wage.
You've ever referred to someone as "my (insert racial or
ethnic minority here) friend"
You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and
opposed to welfare.
You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.
You think Huey Newton is a cookie.
The only union you support is the Baseball Players,
because heck, they're richer than you.
You think you might remember laughing once as a kid.
You once broke loose at a party and removed your neck
tie.
You call mall rent-a-cops "jack-booted thugs."
You've ever referred to the moral fiber of something.
You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb
the sons of bitches."
You've ever said, "I can't wait to get into business school."
You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Tootsie."
You answer to "The Man."
You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you
watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of
sense.
You fax the FBI a list of "Commies in my Neighborhood."
You don't let your kids watch Sesame Street because you
accuse Bert and Ernie of "sexual deviance."
You scream "Dit-dit-ditto" while making love.
You've argued that art has a "moral foundation set in
Western values."
When people say "Marx," you think "Groucho."
You've ever yelled, "Hey hippie, get a haircut."
You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in
1969.
You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear
ever attacks your home.
Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you.
You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the
end of racism in America.
You've ever said civil liberties, schmivil schmiberties.
You've ever said "Clean air? Looks clean to me."
You've ever called education a luxury.
You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle.
You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are
tax-deductable.
You came of age in the '60s and don't remember Bob
Dylan.
You own a vehicle with an "Ollie North: American Hero"
sticker.
You're afraid of the liberal media."
You ever based an argument on the phrase, "Well,
tradition dictates...."
You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a
trash can because he is lazy and doesn't want to
contribute to society."
You've ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their
bootstraps, when they don't even have shoes.
You confuse Lenin with Lennon.
You Might Be A Democrat If...
You own something that says, "Dukakis for
President, " and still display it.
You've ever said, "We really should call the ACLU
about this."
You believe that a few hundred loggers can find
another career, but the defenseless spotted owl
must live in its preferred tree.
You ever based an argument on the phrase, "But
they can afford a tax hike because..."
You keep count of how many people you know in
each racial or ethnic category.
You believe our government must do it because
everyone in Europe does.
You can't talk about foreign policy without using
the word conspiracy.
You think Ralph Nader makes a lot of sense.
You don't understand why anyone was bothered
by Jane's trip to Hanoi.
You think solar energy is being held back by
those greedy oil companies.
You've never been mugged.
You actually expect to collect Social Security.
You think the State of Florida should have tried to
reform Ted Bundy.
You think the Great Society has actually worked.
You don't see the similarity between WONK and
WANK.
You got teary-eyed during the film "The American
President."
You think Ayn Rand is an African currency.
Your house smells like a garbage dump because
of your commitment to recycling.
You think political patronage describes the
Kennedy family.
Your High School Year Book goals included the
words "help people."
You think the Free Market is where they hand out
Government cheese.
You think Carter should be on Mt. Rushmore.
You believe personal injury lawyers when they
say they are just trying to defend the little guy.
You know that those profit mongering drug
companies could find a cure for AIDS if they really
wanted to.
You actually believe the NY Times and
Washington Post.
You know at least one Vegan.
You trust Teddy Kennedy when he said that she
was driving.
You'd rather own Birkenstock than Merck Stock.
You think public housing is great, but just NIMBY.
You think the anti-war protestors from '60s are
the real heroes.
You think that Supply Side Economics refers to
your dope dealer's stash.
You think Michael Jackson is a great example of
diversity.
You actually think that poverty can be abolished.
You think that Joan Baez had something to say.
You admire the Swedish welfare system.
You know that Jefferson really meant to say
"Entitled to Happiness."
You think the Flat Tax should be at 95%
You go to Gay Pride Day parades so that no one
can call you homophobic.
After looking at your pay stub you can still say,
"America is undertaxed."
You own something that says, "Dukakis for
President, " and still display it.
You've ever said, "We really should call the ACLU
about this."
You believe that a few hundred loggers can find
another career, but the defenseless spotted owl
must live in its preferred tree.
You ever based an argument on the phrase, "But
they can afford a tax hike because..."
You keep count of how many people you know in
each racial or ethnic category.
You believe our government must do it because
everyone in Europe does.
You can't talk about foreign policy without using
the word conspiracy.
You think Ralph Nader makes a lot of sense.
You don't understand why anyone was bothered
by Jane's trip to Hanoi.
You think solar energy is being held back by
those greedy oil companies.
You've never been mugged.
You actually expect to collect Social Security.
You think the State of Florida should have tried to
reform Ted Bundy.
You think the Great Society has actually worked.
You don't see the similarity between WONK and
WANK.
You got teary-eyed during the film "The American
President."
You think Ayn Rand is an African currency.
Your house smells like a garbage dump because
of your commitment to recycling.
You think political patronage describes the
Kennedy family.
Your High School Year Book goals included the
words "help people."
You think the Free Market is where they hand out
Government cheese.
You think Carter should be on Mt. Rushmore.
You believe personal injury lawyers when they
say they are just trying to defend the little guy.
You know that those profit mongering drug
companies could find a cure for AIDS if they really
wanted to.
You actually believe the NY Times and
Washington Post.
You know at least one Vegan.
You trust Teddy Kennedy when he said that she
was driving.
You'd rather own Birkenstock than Merck Stock.
You think public housing is great, but just NIMBY.
You think the anti-war protestors from '60s are
the real heroes.
You think that Supply Side Economics refers to
your dope dealer's stash.
You think Michael Jackson is a great example of
diversity.
You actually think that poverty can be abolished.
You think that Joan Baez had something to say.
You admire the Swedish welfare system.
You know that Jefferson really meant to say
"Entitled to Happiness."
You think the Flat Tax should be at 95%
You go to Gay Pride Day parades so that no one
can call you homophobic.
After looking at your pay stub you can still say,
"America is undertaxed."
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Submitted by: Lee
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