The Guys' Rules
--At last a guy has taken the time to write this all
down. Finally, the male side of the story. We always
hear " the rules" from the female side. Now here are
the rules from the male side. These are our rules!
Please note...
these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
--1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it
down.
--1. Sunday sports.
It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
--1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
--1. Crying is blackmail.
--1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
--1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to
almost every question..
--1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help
solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem .
See a doctor.
--1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in
an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
--1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,
don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
--1 If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
--1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant
the other one.
--1. You can either ask us to do something
or tell us how you want it done. Not both!
If you already know best how to do it, just do it
yourself.
--1. Whenever possible , please say whatever you have
to say during commercials.
--1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and
neither do we.
--1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, just like Windows
default settings.
Peach, for example , is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what " mauve " is.
--1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
--1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing, "
we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.
--1. If you ask a question you don't
want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to
hear.
--1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely
anything you wear is fine ... Really .
--1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you
are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the
shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
--1. You have enough clothes.
--1. You have too many shoes.
--1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
--1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
but did you know men really don't mind that?
It's like camping.
--At last a guy has taken the time to write this all
down. Finally, the male side of the story. We always
hear " the rules" from the female side. Now here are
the rules from the male side. These are our rules!
Please note...
these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
--1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it
down.
--1. Sunday sports.
It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
--1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
--1. Crying is blackmail.
--1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
--1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to
almost every question..
--1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help
solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem .
See a doctor.
--1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in
an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
--1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,
don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
--1 If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
--1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant
the other one.
--1. You can either ask us to do something
or tell us how you want it done. Not both!
If you already know best how to do it, just do it
yourself.
--1. Whenever possible , please say whatever you have
to say during commercials.
--1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and
neither do we.
--1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, just like Windows
default settings.
Peach, for example , is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what " mauve " is.
--1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
--1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing, "
we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.
--1. If you ask a question you don't
want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to
hear.
--1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely
anything you wear is fine ... Really .
--1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you
are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the
shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
--1. You have enough clothes.
--1. You have too many shoes.
--1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
--1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
but did you know men really don't mind that?
It's like camping.
"Say Cheese"
Doctor's Office
--This is so true! They always ask at the doctor's
office why you are there, and you say in front of
others what's wrong and sometimes it's embarrassing.
--There's nothing worse than a doctor's receptionist who
insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room
full of other patients. I know most of us have
experienced this, and I love the way this old guy
handled it.
--An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded doctor's
waiting room. As he approached the desk, the
receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the
doctor for today?"
--"There's something wrong with my dick," he replied.
--The receptionist became irritated and said, "You
shouldn't come into a crowded doctor's room and say
things like that."
--"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you,"
he said.
--The receptionist replied, "You've obviously caused
some embarrassment in this room full of people. You
should have said there is something wrong with your
ear or something and then discussed the problem
further with the doctor in private."
--The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people things in a
room full of others, if the answer could embarrass
anyone."
The man walked out, waited several minutes and then
re-entered.
--The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"
--"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.
--The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled,
knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong
with your ear, sir?"
--I can't piss out of it," the man replied.
--The waiting room erupted in laughter.
office why you are there, and you say in front of
others what's wrong and sometimes it's embarrassing.
--There's nothing worse than a doctor's receptionist who
insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room
full of other patients. I know most of us have
experienced this, and I love the way this old guy
handled it.
--An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded doctor's
waiting room. As he approached the desk, the
receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the
doctor for today?"
--"There's something wrong with my dick," he replied.
--The receptionist became irritated and said, "You
shouldn't come into a crowded doctor's room and say
things like that."
--"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you,"
he said.
--The receptionist replied, "You've obviously caused
some embarrassment in this room full of people. You
should have said there is something wrong with your
ear or something and then discussed the problem
further with the doctor in private."
--The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people things in a
room full of others, if the answer could embarrass
anyone."
The man walked out, waited several minutes and then
re-entered.
--The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"
--"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.
--The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled,
knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong
with your ear, sir?"
--I can't piss out of it," the man replied.
--The waiting room erupted in laughter.
Right On!!
1. What is the best thing about dating a homeless woman?
You can drop her off anywhere.
2. What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted.
3. What should a woman say to a man she's just had sex with?
Whatever she wants. He's sleeping.
4. Where does virgin wool come from?
Ugly sheep.
5. How do you spot the blind man at a nudist colony?
It isn't hard.
6. How can you make your wife mad while making love?
Call her from your cell phone.
7. What does the bride of a Polish man get that's long and hard
on her wedding night?
His last name.
8. What's the down side to a threesome?
You'll likely disappoint two women instead of just one.
9. How do you know you're really ugly?
Dogs close their eyes when they're humping your leg.
10. Why are hurricanes named after women?
Because they arrive wet and wild, then leave with your house
and car.
11. What's the similarity between a hurricane and an Louisiana
divorce?
Somebody's gonna' lose a trailer.
You can drop her off anywhere.
2. What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted.
3. What should a woman say to a man she's just had sex with?
Whatever she wants. He's sleeping.
4. Where does virgin wool come from?
Ugly sheep.
5. How do you spot the blind man at a nudist colony?
It isn't hard.
6. How can you make your wife mad while making love?
Call her from your cell phone.
7. What does the bride of a Polish man get that's long and hard
on her wedding night?
His last name.
8. What's the down side to a threesome?
You'll likely disappoint two women instead of just one.
9. How do you know you're really ugly?
Dogs close their eyes when they're humping your leg.
10. Why are hurricanes named after women?
Because they arrive wet and wild, then leave with your house
and car.
11. What's the similarity between a hurricane and an Louisiana
divorce?
Somebody's gonna' lose a trailer.
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By Norma
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